not-so-happy Valentine's gift from "the buttcheek bandit"

From News of the Weird
(by way of the Omaha World-Herald)...

Authorities in Valentine, Neb., have been on the lookout since November for the vandal who has approached several storefronts at night and, apparently with Vaseline smeared over his nude body, pressed himself against windows and doors. A radio station called the person "the buttcheek bandit" (although some speculate there may also be a copycat). Asked Valentine police chief Ben McBride, "Who in their right mind would do something like that?"

Good question, Chief!

Sounds like it's time for a multiple-choice question...

1.) The most likely candidate for the "bandit" is:
a.) PeeWee Herman
b.) insert your favorite state government official here
c.) Tom Osborne (the most famous Nebraskan I could think of)
d.) insert your favorite federal government official here
e.) David Caruso
f.) insert your favorite blogger here
g.) Axl Rose
h.) other

Any nominations?