Biblical Marriage: Leave & Cleave, Lots of Sex, Communicate, Invest

My final (regularly-scheduled) lesson for Abundant Life was this morning. (We've moved to the So. IN campus of SE.) I talked about money in a Christian worldview for my next-to-last lesson. But Tonia and I thought it would be best to close with some reminders and challenges about marriage.

1.) Leave and Cleave-- from Genesis 2:24.

Two potential errors here-- a failure to leave and a failure to cleave. The former is typically a bigger issue for younger marriages; the latter can reveal itself gradually as "inherited" patterns become more obvious.


2.) Have Lots of Sex-- from I Corinthians 7:3-5.

The NIV renders the term "duty", which is unfortunate in that the Greek term implies favor, good will, and benevolence. That said, there is something about sex as "duty"-- in that it is sometimes less than ecstatic and more something that one does with their spouse. So too, the Christian life in general-- with its mix of "duty" and something more glorious and enjoyable.

Paul argues that the bodies of a married (Christian) couple belong to each other-- putting them on equal footing (especially noteworthy for that culture in that day). And the passage clearly implies a mutual responsibility and benefit with an emphasis on giving, putting others first, submitting to one another, etc. (Eph 5:21).

The exception for marital abstinence is "so that you may devote yourselves to prayer". So, marital abstinence is purposeful, mutually voluntary, and for an unspecified period of time (longer than normal, but limited to avoid temptation).

Two punchlines here:

1.) If one spouse is physically capable but purposefully abstaining-- and not under the conditions laid out here-- then it is SIN. In the Church, we get excited about many types of sin. But this is a very serious sin indeed.

2.) There is an implied call to use this as a strategy for dealing with difficult circumstances. Couples should consider-- especially the husband in taking the lead-- purposeful and prayerful abstention. Undertaken this way, abstention becomes chosen rather than forced by one spouse or the circumstances-- and it puts both spouses on the same page and the same team.


3.) Communicate-- from Ephesians 4.

a.) Attitude I: Eph 4:2 speaks to unity bin the church, but applies nicely to marriage as well (Phil 2:2-4).

b.) Anger: Eph 4:26-27 is a key passage on anger-- and often, one finds anger within marriage on occasion. As the old jokes goes: we don't go to bed angry, but we did stay awake three weeks one time. Note also that this passage does not speak to the anger of a spouse: you can influence that, but they retain free will about their response to various circumstances.

This is a key passage for a Biblical understanding of anger: not a prohibition, but a call to have anger under the appropriate settings and to handle it well-- here, in particular, to deal with it and avoid festering bitterness. Typically, we overplay anger in a big way. As Matthew Henry said: "Do I well to be so soon angry, so often angry, so long angry, to put myself in such a heat, and to give others such ill language in my anger?"

c.) Apt Words: Eph 4:29 is another classic passage-- the bad talk we are to avoid; the good talk we are to embrace, and the context-specific details on what constitutes "good talk".

d.) Attitude II: Paul wraps up this chapter with more on attitude in Eph 4:31-32. 'Nuff said.


4.) Invest-- from Matthew 13:45-46. You married "a great pearl"; make the appropriate investments! Again, with few exceptions, there are no excuses for not getting "date nights" with your spouse. (If you "can't afford it", find another couple with whom you can exchange baby-sitting services-- and then pack a picnic, go to a park and hang out.) At least once a year, you should do an "overnight". Again, if you can't afford it, I would encourage you to cancel more trivial expenditures. Retreats-- for one spouse or for both-- are great. And find more seasoned couples with whom you can mentor.


The wrap-up for today's lesson:

-What are two (measurable) things you could do to improve your marriage?
-What are two (measurable) things your spouse could do to improve your marriage?

--> Do it! Work for the glorious marriage to which God has called you and wants you to enjoy!