Monday, February 18, 2008

making marriage look "easy"-- times seven!

From Rick Callahan in today's C-J on seven siblings and their marriages in Brownsburg, IN...

Newlyweds could probably learn a few things from the five Estes sisters and their two brothers, who among them have amassed 391 years of marriage, and counting.

In an age when nearly half of new marriages are expected to end in divorce, the seven surviving children of C.M. and Minnie Estes have all been wed 50 or more years.

The youngest, Sue Bass, completed that golden-anniversary streak earlier this month when she and husband Edwin marked their 50 years together in a laughter-filled banquet room, surrounded by Sue's six surviving siblings and many of the couples' 71 children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

"We're the last. We made it," Sue, 69, said after the Basses' celebratory spotlight dance. Added Edwin, 73: "The others made it, and we weren't about to get beat!"

The Estes siblings, ages 69 to 84, attribute their marital success in large part to the moral example set by their parents, who were married 58 years.

C.M. Estes was a Christian minister, and he and wife Minnie raised their eight children -- one is deceased and a ninth died as a toddler -- with the clear expectation that marriage is for life....

Joyce Samples, 74, said her parents endured hard financial times but set a loving example that she has emulated in her 57-year marriage to John Samples, 74, also a minister.

"They always showed respect for each other, which made us know that was part of marriage," she said. "There wasn't a lot of verbal advice. You just watched them and knew how it was done."...

An eighth Estes sibling, Joe, died in 1992, by which time he and his widow, Ruth, had 48 years between them....

Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., said it's unusual for so many siblings to have such long marriages.

Coontz, who has studied marriage trends for 25 years, said many marriages that began in the 1950s ended because of the marital divisions generated as more women entered the work force in subsequent decades. That wasn't an issue for the Estes siblings; all the wives were homemakers.

David Popenoe, a professor emeritus of sociology at Rutgers University, said religion, commitment to the marriage itself and a willingness to overlook problems are often factors in long unions.

"One wag says the most important thing for a marriage is having a bad memory -- in essence, you overlook things that would cause other people to break up," said Popenoe, co-director of Rutgers' National Marriage Project.

"They're committed through thick or thin to the other person and the marriage," he said. "They're willing to work through problems as they arise and overlook things."...

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