the problem is politics

Great stuff-- as usual-- from Libertarian P.J. O'Rourke at CATO (hat tip: Oregon Catalyst)...

Well, I wish I had better news for you, but the barbarians are at the gates. We are besieged by pagans—savage, brutish worshippers of big government. Theirs is not even a golden calf. They’ve abandoned the Gold Standard. They worship the taxing and spending of a fiat god, all the more dangerous for being both false and imaginary.

Now, we thought Ronald Reagan, our Charles Martel, had stopped the pillaging hordes of Jimmy Carter at the Battle of Poitiers—also known as the 1980 election. Even the heathen slime Bill Clinton said, “The era of big government is over.” We thought we’d won.

We were wrong. They’re back. And they want to sacrifice us and all our worldly goods on the blood drenched altar of politics. These lesser breeds bow down to four ton senators, to cloven hoofed congressmen, to presidential candidates stinking of collectivist brimstone and crowned with horns of socialism.

Theirs is a Satanist civics. They will sell their souls in the belief that government can heal the sick, raise the dead, make the old feel young, and make the young go out and vote....

we need gridlock. I love gridlock. Gridlock means government can’t do things. The two most frightening words in Washington are “bipartisan consensus.”...

It took a Democratic majority in the House of Representatives 40 years—from 1954 to 1994—to get that corrupt and arrogant, and the Republicans did it in just 12. And people say that we Republicans don’t have a lot on the ball....

Republicans deserve to lose. But do we deserve the Democrats?...Under the Democrats, the government will negotiate with drug companies for Medicare drug prices. If the government shows the same hard-headed, tight-fisted bargaining savvy negotiating drug prices that it shows negotiating defense contracts, Preparation H will cost $400....

There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running America than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats....

there is a sort of Disney factor in American politics. Think of America’s politicians. Think of them all as the Seven Dwarves. They’re all short. They’re short on ethics. They’re short on common sense. They’re short on experience. They’re short on something. But we keep thinking one of those dwarves is going to save our Snow White butt. We’ve got Dopey right now. We had Sleazy before him. Grumpy lost in 2004. Sleepy was great in the eighties but he’s dead. So how about Obama?...

The problem is not really politicians. The problem is politics. Politicians are chefs— some good, some bad—but politics is road kill. The problem isn’t the cook. The problem is the cookbook. The key ingredient of politics is the idea that all of society’s ills can be cured politically. It’s like a cookbook where the recipe for everything is to fry it. The fruit cocktail is fried. The soup is fried. The salad is fried. So is the ice cream and cake. And your pinot noir is rolled in breadcrumbs and dunked in the deep fat fryer. It is just no way to cook up public policy. Politics is greasy. Politics is slippery. Politics can’t tell the truth.

But I don’t blame the politicians for this. Because just think what the truth would sound like on the campaign stump. Even a little, bitty bit of truth. “No, I can’t fix public education. The problem isn’t funding or teachers unions or lack of vouchers or absence of computer equipment in the classroom. The problem is your damned kids.”

Now, that’s just not going to work. There is only one number that matters in politics. And you may think that that’s the number of votes, but that’s not the number. The number that matters in politics is the lowest common denominator. It is the avowed purpose of politics to bring the policies of our nation down to a level where they are good for everyone. No matter how foolish, irresponsible, selfish, grasping, or vile everyone may be, politics seeks fairness for them all. I do not. I am here to speak in favor of unfairness.

I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, “That’s not fair.” When she says that, I say, “Honey, you’re cute; that’s not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that’s not fair. You were born in America; that’s not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don’t start getting fair for you.”...